Health Thursday: Signs and symptoms of being pregnant

• No menstrual period - This one is a given. I never really understood how when really fat chicks pop a baby out and deny they knew they were pregnant. Like they didn't notice they hadn't had a period in 9 months...right?



• Fatigue and sleepiness - If you're starting to feel really sleepy and lazy all the time. Well, moreso than usual.



• Breast changes - Your boobs start getting REALLY big. This is probably my favorite pregnancy symptom.



• Nausea and vomiting - You may find yourself throwing up a lot.



• Frequent urination - Waking up and pissing all the time. Pissing everytime you turn around. Pissing your pants when you sneeze.



• Fullness, bloating, achiness in the abdominal area - Yea, there's a baby in there. You're gonna get all bloated and shit.



• Mood swings and irritability - If you have a boyfriend or husband that sleeps with you, he'll probably end up sleeping on the couch. You're probably gonna be a crabby ass bitch.



• Increase in vaginal secretions - Yea. Do I even really need to go into this one? This could be everything from cottage cheese to god knows what else coming out the hoo-ha.



• aversion to certain foods or smells - That food you really liked before? You might hate it. The smell of leather may make you throw up. Inversely, you'll probably be eating fried peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.



• Weight gain - Yes, you're going to get fat. Sorry.



• constipation - Not only are you gonna get fat you're gonna have trouble poopin.