How to make corn bread muffins

First you need to get all your shit together. You're gonna need:

• 2 eggs
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• a half cup of milk
• 1 cup of water
• 2 cups corn meal. Optionally, you can mix 1 cup flour and 1 cup corn meal for a different consistency. Corn meal can be kinda gritty tasting so if you're not a purist, do the half n half. I opted to just use corn meal.
  
• 2 teaspoons baking powder - or make your own, like I'm doing with the cream of tartar, baking soda, and corn starch.
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon sugar (I opted to leave this out) - The sugar is optional but you can add it if you want it to taste sweet.

Next, preheat your oven to 450. Grease a damn muffin pan and stick it in the fuckin oven while it preheats. As you can see, I'm fucking awesome and I use baking stones. I bought them at one of those stupid pampered chef parties my lesbian cousin was throwing for a while. I also use an oven thermometer to make sure the heat is optimal inside while I'm cooking. Sometimes just because you put your oven on 450 it won't really be 450. The thermometer helps fine tune your baking.

Next crack those damn eggs and beat those bitches with a fork like they owe you some money. Add the rest of the ingredients in the order they are listed above.

Once you have everything mixed together, pull the greased muffin pan out of the oven and add the batter while the pan is still hot.

This is about how much you want to add to each muffin cup. They are going to rise a little so try not to fill them all the way to the top. Next, put them back in the oven and cook them for about 20-25 minutes until they are brown on the top and you can insert a toothpick and it comes out clean. Try not to peek too much though because convection ovens lose heat really quickly when you open the door.

There you have it. Some homemade ass corn bread muffins hot out of the stove. Cut em up and add butter.