Neuticles

So I was browsing around the interwebz, and I happened to come across the website for a product called "Neuticles."  

 

What are Neuticles? Neuticles are testicular implants for pets, of course. You see, when you dog Spot got his nuts chopped off by the vet when he got neutered, Spot started feeling really bad about his self image. For only $100-$500 extra you can have a pair of fake testicles implanted.

 

Neuticles come in several different sizes. From petite to extra extra large. I can only imagine what happens when Neuticles gets some poor pet owner's orders mixed up. Somebody's prized Chihuahua accidentally ends up with a pair of St. Bernard sized nuts and all hell breaks loose.

 

Neuticles also come in a rigid form, or as a silicone type implant. Neuticles invented and markets the silicone version because the "original" rigid fake nuts just didn't have the "realistic" feel that some dog owners have come to expect when they are touching their dog's nutsacks.

 

Fortunately, If you're on a budget and can only afford one fake nut for you dog, you can also buy one Neuticle instead of two! Then your dog can look even stupider than if he had no nuts at all! (Who the hell looks at or gives a shit about the way a dog's testicles look like anyway? Pervs..).  

 

The merchandise page of neuticles.com is the best though. It is packed with exciting Neuticles accessories such as

Neuticles earrings. Because Neuticles don't just have to make your dog's nuts look good. The website describes them as, "Elegance and fashion combined...Ideal for any formal or informal occasion!" Imagine going to the company dinner party with a pair of fake dog nut earrings in your ears...what a conversation piece! You'd be the hit of the party. Imagine the fantastic and non-awkward conversation you'll have with your boss when he says, "Nice earrings, Sally, but what are they?"