Instant Oatmeal

Well look what we have here, some fuckin Quaker Oats. What sets this box of quaker oats apart and above all other oats is that it contains 12 packages of delicious oaty goodness that is high in fiber, good for your heart, and great for developing a nice clean pinch when it comes out the other end.

The first step is the proper bowl selection. Thanks to cancer (fuck you, cancer), a plastic bowl will not meet our standards. You need a nice microwave safe bowl. Not sure if your bowl is microwave safe or not? Look on the bottom. If it doesn't say microwave safe, then don't put it in the fucking microwave.

Next, remove the packet from the box. Open the packet and put the oats in the fuckin bowl. Next you fill the packet up with water (there's a fill line). Put the water in the bowl.

Put the bowl in the microwave and turn it on.

Use this time to make sure you've disposed of the packet properly. Think about the sea turtles and how if that packet ends up in the ocean a mighty sea turtle might swim into it and spend the rest of its life with a little oatmeal bag on its head. Feel guilty? Good.

DING!

Using mittens, Carefully remove the bowl from the microwave. If it's too hot and you're in a hurry, put some ice cubes in it (see ice cube recipe here).