First World Horrors

I bought a $1 bag of gummy bears. I had to break a $20 bill and carry the change.


I'm afraid... ...Afraid that this may be the final season of House.


This software update requires that I restart my computer.


The tag on my new shirt is really bugging me.


I had to stand up to get more toilet paper without wiping first...


My cashmere blanket is being drycleaned. I don't like this one as much.


I poured my cereal into the bowl without checking to see if we still had milk. We didn't.


Rock concert this weekend. Run out of weed half way through.


I ordered red wine before my meal came. Red wine doesn't go with fish.


I wanted a four egg omelet. Only had three in the fridge.


Chipotl was slightly too far for me to make on lunch break today. I had to go to fucking Qdoba.


We went to Aspen on vacation. They didn't have 4G service.


Why can't I lie down and surf the internet?


The car in front of me slowed down. I had to reset my cruise control.


One pillow is too low. Two pillows is too high.


I eat too much food.


My dinner came with two starters. Soup and salad. They served it all at the same time.


I shaved using a triple blade razor. It didn't have an lubricating strip left.


I have two job offers to choose from.