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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Green Eggs for St. Patrick's Day

How to make green eggs for Saint Patrick's day.
In this cooking tutorial, I will be discussing the finer points of applying food dye to your food.
It's quite simple and easy, really.
This is simply scrambled eggs with some green and blue food coloring.
Prepare the scrambled eggs as you would normally in a bowl. First you add the milk, but this is the important step, you add a few drops of green food coloring to the milk. Then add the eggs . Mix it all up.
Cook them in a pan until cooked all the way through, and serve. Voila!

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Thursday, January 16, 2014


This is a rutabega. When cooked, a rutabega kind of tastes like a cross between a potato and a carrot. Its actually in the turnip family. In fact, another name for a rutabega is "swedish turnip." 

The root portion, which you are looking at, is edible. However, the green leafy part of the plant, when present, is edible too. Most grocery stores carry them for sale as shown, though.

Rutabegas originated in Sweden, and were introduced to the rest of the world in the late 18th/early 19th centuries.

Rutabegas are the main ingredient in my favorite pastry, the pasty. Pasties are one of my favorite foods to cook from scratch, so I feel a special love for the rutabega. 

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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Poached eggs in the microwave

OK, I really have no fucking clue how to "poach" an egg, what "poaching" entails, or what the fuck "poaching" even means. Except like when Robin Hood poached King John's royal deer and the Sheriff of Nottingham got all pissy about it.
However, in my own head I came up with this idea on how to poach an egg.
Step 1: small glass bowl. Break an egg and put it in.
Step 2: put it in the microwave for 2 minutes.
Step 3: dump it out and eat it.

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Thursday, October 24, 2013


  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1 onion, minced
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 2 cups chopped fresh broccoli
  • 1 (9 inch) unbaked pie crust
  • 1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
  • 4 eggs, well beaten
  • 1 1/2 cups milk
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon black pepper1 tablespoon butter, melted
1. Preheat the motherfuckin oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Over medium-low heat melt the goddamn butter in a large saucepan. Add the motherfuckin onions, garlic and broccoli. Cook slowly, stirring occasionally until the vegetables are soft. Spoon vegetables into crust and sprinkle with cheese.
3. Combine eggs and milk. Season that shit with salt and pepper. Stir in melted butter. Pour egg mixture over vegetables and cheese.
4. Bake that shit in a preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until center has set.

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Beer Tuesday - Kona Brewing Longboard Island Lager

I'm not a huge fan of lagers, but I decided to try the Kona Longboard Island Lager because it was a hot day. And there was a picture of a beach on the label, which sort of enticed me to give this beer a try.

First of all, this beer is super-carbonated. It gives it sort of a light airy flavor. Citrusy notes on the flavor. I'd probably rate this to be a superior lager, overall. Tastes like a lager SHOULD taste like, which is obviously why they label it as a lager in the first place. For a beer that uses four different types of hops, the hop flavor is noticeably pretty much absent. Certainly more malty than anything else.

4.6% ABV. So pretty light but that's to be expected from the type of brewery that Kona is. Basically marketed as a Hawaiian beer but is truely made on the mainland by licensed commercial breweries.

Overall score: B-. Mostly because I don't like lagers that much to begin with.

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Thursday, May 16, 2013

How to Make Boiled Eggs

How to make boiled eggs.

First, you boil some water. If you get bored waiting for the water to boil, you can just put the eggs in before it starts boiling. In my experience, it doesn't really matter. 

Once the water starts boiling, leave the eggs in there for a super long time. Like, 10-20 minutes.
You see, I like my eggs HARD boiled. Which means I cook my eggs for insane amounts of time. 

You have to be fucking patient with these motherfuckers.

Next, you take them out of the water and rinse them in cold water if you are so hungry you can't wait for them to cool off.

After that, carefully remove the hard outer shell and consume them.

Eggs are a cheap and nutritious source of protein. However, I wouldn't recommend eating more than 1 or 2 eggs a day, since no matter how fuckin free range, brown,  or organic they are, they are still loaded in cholesterol. And not the good kind of cholesterol either, the bad "clog up your arteries and make you die" kind of cholesterol. So enjoy eggs, just not every fucking day.

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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Beer Tuesday - Terrapin Phlux Capacitor

Terrapin Phlux Capacitor. Oak aged american ale. This is Terrapin's #16 side project. If you're not familiar with Terrapin's side projects, they brew one shot beers from time to time. I'm a huge fan of Terrapin and their creative beer creations.

I guess they thought that since it was oak aged, they didn't need to add much other flavor to this beer, though. Its not bad, its just kind of boring. Not a very engaging flavor. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't very good either. I think 22oz of it was kind of excessive, and I found myself struggling to finish the other half once I got through it. In fact I sort of forgot about the last bit that was still in the bottle.

9.8% ABV. American "Strong" Ale.

Score: Same ol' same ol'. I can't even really think of anything witty to write about it.

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Thursday, May 9, 2013

How to say "loser" in 6 different languages

French: perdant
Spanish: perdedor
German: verlierer
Italian: perdente
Danish: taber
Portuguese: perdedor

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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Mike Jeffries from Abercrombie and Fitch - No fat chicks!

Ever notice that Abercrombie and Fitch doesn't sell plus sized women's clothes? There's a reason for that.

Robin Lewis, co-author of The New Rules of Retail and The Robin Report, stated this in reference to Mike Jeffries, the A+F CEO, "He doesn't want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people. He doesn't want his core customers to see people who aren't as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they're one of the 'cool kids.'"

Not surprisingly, Abercrombie and Fitch declined to comment.

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Walmart Wednesday - Man attempts to stab Walmart employee with syringe

As if working at Walmart isn't bad enough..

Last week a disgruntled shoplifter in Atlanta decided that the $400 dollar computer he was trying to steal was worth taking out a syringe and attempting to stab an employee with it when confronted in the parking lot.

Thankfully, the shoplifter missed the employee, and police were able to arrest him and send him to jail.

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Microwave Popcorn

Microwave popcorn. Yes, today I am going to discuss the finer techniques of microwaving popcorn.

The first thing you need to do is decide what kind of microwave popcorn you want to eat. I am a big fan of pop secret. However, popcorn is popcorn, so theres not a huge difference.

You will need a microwave to make this delicious tasting shit.

First, you remove the popcorn from the plastic bag that helps preserve its freshness. Next, you open the microwave door and place the popcorn inside. Set the microwave to about 5 minutes or whatever the box tells you to do. Turn the microwave on.

Now here is where it gets tricky. If you don't wait long enough, not all of the kernels will pop into delicious popcorn. If you wait too long, you're going to burn your popcorn.

So just stand there and listen. I don't know how deaf people could do this properly.

When the popcorn stops popping a lot, and the pops are more infrequent, you turn the microwave off.

Next, you remove the bag from the microwave. This is an important step. You need to let it sit for a few minutes, because that shit is going to be really hot.

After waiting for a few minutes, open the bag. Reach inside, and eat the popcorn.

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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Beer Tuesday - Widmer Brothers' Deadlift Imperial IPA

Deadlift Imperial IPA, by the Widmer Brothers. 8.6% ABV. This has a place in the hallowed halls of DIPA, however it is pretty boring. I usually expect a little more flavor from a DIPA, personally.

Malty flavor, weak on the hops. Yet has a decent citrusy flavor. Unfortunately the warm flavor from the alcohol doesn't balance out in the blend. I'd rate this one a 7/10. Not a beer I'd probably buy again. I have a feeling this one would taste better on draft, though.

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Sunday, May 5, 2013

George Jones is dead.

George Jones, the popular country singer and husband of Tammy Wynette, died on April 26th, 2013, at the age of 81, after being hospitalized with a fever at a hospital in Tennessee.

Among the people that attended his funeral were Laura Bush, Governor Bill Haslam, Bob Schieffer, Barbara Mandrell, Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, Kid Rock, Ronnie Milsap, Vince Gill, Patty Loveless, Travis Tritt, The Oak Ridge Boys, Charlie Daniels, Randy Travis, Wynonna and Brad Paisley.

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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Beer Tuesday - Terrapin Hopzilla

Hopzilla is one of the few "monster beer tour" beers from Terrapin that I actually enjoy. What's not to enjoy about a good Imperial IPA/Double IPA though?

With a 10.8% ABV, it packs a hell of a kick. One of my favorite things about DIPAs is the huge flavor that they carry. This beer manages to balance the highly citrusy flavor, monster dose of hops, and malt, with the alcohol content. Unfortunately, with it being so strong, its hard to drink more than one at a time. As with most in the Terrapin Monster Beer Tour series, this comes in 4 packs that ranges from $8.50 to $11.50 depending on where you shop.

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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Brussel Sprouts

Brussel Sprouts.Who doesn't love these little round green motherfuckers?

Today we are going to discuss cooking brussel sprouts. Now, a popular way to cook them is to steam them. But unfortunately, lack of equipment prevents you from steaming? Never fear! You can still cook and eat them. And cooking them properly is easy!

Personally, I use a frying pan and the "boiling" method. Much like when the romans wanted to persecute the Christians and would boil them alive!

First you take a package of your little green Christians, oops, I mean brussel sprouts, and rinse them really well. You never know what kind of nasty dirt is attached to these farm fresh bastards.

Next, place them in the pan. Add enough water to cover them completely. Be careful you don't add too much and spill that shit on the floor though.

Then you place it on the stove. Hopefully you have a gas stove, because electric stoves suck shit.
Turn the heat on high until the water starts to boil. Then reduce the heat enough so its still sorta boiling but not boiling like water hitting the surface of the sun.

I can't remember the exact timing, probably like 10-15 minutes. Add water if necessary if it starts boiling off. You'll start to notice that the brussel sprouts are turning a dark green. That means they are cooked. Drain off the water and let them cool. Next, cut off the nasty little stems. Put butter on them or whatever, and eat them whole.

Fuckin awesome ass brussel sprouts.

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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Walmart Wednesday: Their bakery sells expired donuts.

Reddit user Planet_Rock posted some pictures of a nasty box of donuts her mom had bought. She noticed there were several stickers one on top of the other, as she peeled them back she found that rather than toss an expired box of donuts, Walmart had simply relabeled the packaging to extend the sell-by dates!

Reddit user davidmcelroy13 appears in the reddit thread, white-knighting for Walmart's deceptive practices,
"Please tell me that you're bright enough to see what almost certainly happened. The labels were probably printed and put onto a group of boxes, but more were labeled than were needed. The unused boxes were set aside for use the next day, but they again weren't needed and were labeled again — and finally used — the next day.

I couldn't care less if you want to make fun of Walmart, but it's ignorant to assume you know what happened to create this situation. Doughnuts are so cheap to make that the odds of someone going relabeling old doughnuts in order to avoid throwing them away is almost zero.

Just because the labels were put onto the box on a certain day doesn't mean the doughnuts were already in there first. Please use your brain."
Its worth noting that the majority of davidmcelry13's reddit activity consists of him posting pictures of his cats and talking about Jesus.

Walmart of course gave the standard, "We are taking this issue very seriously blablabla" response.

This isn't good news for Walmart, who has seen an overall decline in sales due to understaffing. Probably secondary to shitty treatment of their employees. Who the fuck wants to work at Walmart? And now that we know they sell expired old shit, who the fuck wants to eat their donuts?

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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Beer Tuesday - Weyerbacher's Double Simcoe Double IPA

Boy oh boy it sure is a lot of work drinking all these beers to be able to blog about them every week. No, really, you have no idea. Sometimes my right arm gets tired from popping the caps off of them.

Double Simcoe. What can I say? This is a double aka imperial IPA. Hoppy as hell. So much hops and alcohol (9% ABV) it practically jumps out of the glass and punches you in the face. If you love hoppy flavor, then double simcoe is probably something you would enjoy. The brewers at Weyerbacher did a fantastic job at blending flavors on this beer. Overall I give it a low drinkability score due to the high alcohol content. As a one-off beer, it certainly is fantastic though. Not something I'd probably buy a six pack of, but definitely something to cherry-pick into your "build a sixpack" thingy at the local beer store.

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Scrambled egg and biscuits face

If you're one of those idiots like me that likes to play with their food, you can easily make this dish.

First, you take two biscuits to make eyes. Then you sculpt your scrambled eggs into a smiley mouth. You could probably put a dollop of jam on the biscuits to make eyeballs. Personally, I hate jam, so I skipped that step.

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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Beer Tuesday: Sweetwater IPA

Sweetwater IPA is hands down one of my favorite local brews here in Atlanta. It is one of those craft brews that are affordable yet have high drinkability, good flavor, and don't cost an arm and a leg.

Citrusy aftertaste, grapefruit and hoppy. That's the best way I can describe it. And a moderate ABV makes it a good session beer if you're like me and enjoy drinking more than 2 or 3 beers in one night without getting completely wasted.

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